In a sweeping enforcement action early this morning, Lord Farquaad’s royal guards began the systematic roundup and forced relocation of hundreds of fairytale creatures.
The operation, which officials claim is part of a broader "urban renewal and purification initiative" for the Kingdom of Duloc, has drawn immediate criticism from local magical entities and woodland residents.
The Roundup Begins
Eyewitness footage captured in the deep woods shows heavily armored Duloc guards herding a wide array of mythical beings into makeshift wooden cages and transport wagons. Among those spotted in custody were:
The Seven Dwarfs, chained together and forced to march.
Pinocchio, being paraded in front of a processing table.
The Three Little Pigs, reportedly sold off or traded to guards.
Peter Pan and Tinker Bell, the latter of whom was seen trapped inside a glass lantern.
"He's a monster!" cried one anonymous wooden puppet as he was handed over to the guards by his creator for a bounty of five shillings.
"A Perfect World"
From the pristine, gated walls of the capital, a spokesperson for Lord Farquaad defended the relocation program, stating that the presence of "freaks" and "magical anomalies" compromised the safety and aesthetic perfection of Duloc.
"Lord Farquaad is committed to making Duloc a perfect place. To achieve that, these anomalies must be cleared out of civilized sight," the statement read.
A Swampy Destination
While the crown has refused to officially disclose where the refugees are being taken, inside sources confirm that thousands of displaced creatures are being dumped directly into a remote, uncharted swamp on the outskirts of the kingdom.
Local geographers note that the designated dumping ground is not entirely uninhabited. Rumors suggest the swamp is currently home to a notoriously reclusive and short-tempered green ogre. Experts warn that crowding thousands of magical refugees into a single predator's territory could spark a major geopolitical crisis in the coming days.
More on this story as it develops.
Posts
